Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Holidays Dilemma


Ahhh~~ right. Another post for me to confess. While I’m writing this, I’m in a dark room, looking ugly since I haven’t wash my face from out of bed till afternoon, reading fanfics, watching youtube and voting super junior again, again, and again. I don’t talk to any human beings in this house, I don’t know how to start to because what will blurt out of my mouth would be anything that I’m interested in. That would be so selfish of me. So I better off retreating myself from any conversations and live in this small cave doing things I like. This is very unhealthy~

I rejected every social gatherings like the reunion camping, varsity meetings, shopping spree and campus orient-week officer offer. I don’t answer text messages since I don’t feel like talking into anything. I even reject the idea of me assisting my dad on his motivational talk. Dare I have to say I am lazy. And I can live this boring, lifeless living forever. I did.

Yeah. But I’m too ambitious for that. I don’t know what is happening in my mind right now. I just wanted to do things that I really like this holiday. As if I’m going to have a nerve-breaking, tiring semester this upcoming back to school session so I had my lazy bone in, and I’m enjoying it.

Just what happen to the twisted-elegant, cheerful, light-hearted girl here? This is holiday disorder. I spent it to the max. This is the moment when I can be lazy all day and all night. Locking myself in the room and do anything I like with my laptop. I even laugh to myself when I looked into the mirror. Just thank God I don’t gain any weight. Since I seldom walk out, I ate less and dance just too much on my own. I even wish I had this huge mirror to see if I’m dancing it fine. LOL.

Watching pretty boys are huge sin when you’re not as pretty yourself though. I felt it’s not worth it so sometimes I found myself dolling up in front of the laptop, watching (sometimes dancing) to those cool videos. Okay, it may sounds odd. But I’m only doing this when people are not around.

JUST WHAT HAPPEN TO GOD THAT I LOVED SO MUCH???? When was the last time I pray??? Ugh, this truth hurts. I should off being squeaky clean, dolling up, go somewhere and pray.

The reason that I had the guts to confess, is meeting this, umm….dongsaeng. Too pure, too innocent, I wish I could take him and put him in my handbag. How can I forget that Saturday with such a shy smile? Meeting him moved myself to…well, refresh myself? Repackage? Hahahaha~ things like that. I just have to. Since he is looking at me like I’m a respectable noona. I should be one. Haha! That is sooo cheesy!!

Well then, end of confession. I should step out and do anything necessary. Like…eating or shower? Maybe pray~ hahahaha~
With lots of love from a really ugly side of me

~Heaven~ (not really right now :P)

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