Well, pretty late isn't it to even said that? It's almost a week since I'm in my holiday mood. Sorry for not posting anything. The fact that I'm lost at what to post is another thing. Oh well, people. I'll try to give you more on what to ponder on the other side of a fangirl ^^ I learnt a lot at school and I think its really useful in the next moves on what I'm going to do to my blog. Maybe.....give aways? *wink*
During the long period of hiatus (not that long, I know), I crashed on one feelings that I totally never expect it will come as for being a fangirl, especially to Sungmin, Super Junior and whole K-Entertainment things.
Yes siree, you read it right. Its getting on me when I was watching Super Junior's Adonis Camp, while listening to 2NE1, reading SHINee's fan account and singing 'Doushite'. All of a sudden, I was thinking:
2012, is it possible that I still love all of these?
It shocks me to questions myself like that. I mean, I just knew Super Junior for a year, that inclusive of getting to know K-Pop industry as well. But the span time of me with J-Rock is 3 years and I seldom check them out recently. I consider myself as a K-Pop convert now, even though I still enjoy J-Rock esp. visual kei.
Would I might be like that as well towards Super Junior?
I tried to shoo away those feelings. My subconscious mind tried to tell me that I will still love their magic, their uniqueness that I have long admire. But yes, I couldn't help to repeat to myself; I'm an easily bored person. Once the thing cause me to be bored, consuming my time too much on it, I'd be easily or heartlessly leave the scene. No kidding, I'm such a person.
Its scary and I guess all of the K-entertainment lovers out there that had been loving it more than 3 years must have passed this kind of feeling. It must be great to be such a loyal person.
Clicked on one of my first list of KPop fans friend blog, I was surprised to see that she is dealing with that kind of syndrome too. And she felt that it was wasteful as well, having to spazz all the time (you can't help it...you just have to, I feel her) is really what she is tired of. I got agitated and exits myself.
I look around people who had been in the relationship with KPop for a long time, I thought, I might be the same with them. I mean, I've always believe I'll still smile to watch EHB again, to speak Full House's broken English and sings all their songs, maybe play some to the younger generations.
There is this time I dust off my LJ and I see, oh my...old comments on my fanfic. So I replied (it's dated back to 2009 January!! LOL) and lucky that all of them responded ^^; One of the user replied with LOL and she said she is NOT INTO KPOP ANYMORE.
This seriously was not helping at that time. I gasped a bit. I was thinking is this some kind of sign, I shall be leaving the scene soon? (I'm an NLP user, pardon me) I was afraid, this passion might fade someday, I wouldn't be achieving what I had expected on myself out of this scene. Again, I put aside those thoughts. I imagined it into some bubbles and let it pops in the air.
I got myself busy. Fan stuffs, working, school and such, I found myself forgotten that said feeling. School's over, phone's stolen, got back home and finally get myself to chat with P-Sshi after a long time.
Again, I had to cover my mouth in unbelievable expression. The one that had taught me and dragged me to K-Pop, P-Sshi, was no longer interested on Super Junior. I mean, in her list, Super Junior is #3 out of four. LOL! She is a huge S♥NE and Shawol now XD I have nothing against that, but it's just proven the fact....it is possible to get bored of Super Junior, if P-Sshi might be that, I might jump to the same boat some day.
Heads down low. Eyes shut tightly. Hands on my knees. Biting my lower lips. Imagining myself 5 years from now.
Am I still an E.L.F?
Do I still want to see Super Junior?
Would all the money and time I spent on them wasted?
Would I still be Miss Healerzz?
I can't shoo the feeling. Its not funny at all. And I was wondering if other fans are feeling the same. If you, who is reading this, had this kind of thoughts as well?
Until I was asked why do you love Super Junior on writings. I ponder the fresh feelings I had back when I'm denying or retreating myself from all K-Pop related things. I list them. I tried to recall what made me love Super Junior.
Why am I being ELF?
Why am I doing all these for them?
Why am I Miss Healerzz?
And until a year, why am I not leaving?
While writing all of these, with the nostalgic feelings I had within me. Pie bb plurked this video to me:-
Just when I thought of leaving.
SJ, you really know how to warm back my cold heart. You seriously made miracle happen, don't you?
p/s: Would I be an all time E.L.F? Well, that is something that YOU have to see by yourself ;)